1/5/24

One person narcissists avoid


DailyKenn.com —

Do I want to be toxic? Not really. That just doesn't sit well with me. I like to be the nice guy.

 

I like to get along with people. I don't want to be toxic, but sometimes I find that being toxic is necessary. Particularly when you are around individuals like narcissists that you don't want to you don't want to be around you.

You want them to reject you because they find you toxic. So the question is, who is the one person that narcissists find toxic? And the answer is, I just came up with this term, but the answer is the anti-narcissist. Now, what is an anti-narcissist? Well, it's an eulogism.

I just invented it in my mind, but there are three traits that I identified in the anti-narcissist that will make the narcissist, at least in my experience, make the narcissist want to have nothing to do with you. And that is a good thing. At least, again, in my experience, the farther away I can get from a narcissist or I can get a narcissist away from me, the better life is, the happier I am, the better it is for everybody.

All right, what are these three traits that I want to acquire that will poison the relationship that I have with a narcissist so that he or she will want to get as far away from me as he or she possibly can? Number one is this. I want to be uncooperative. This is something I've never been able to do right out of the gate or right off the bat, however you want to say it.

The reason being that every narcissist that I've ever dealt with was they were very savvy. They were coy. They were very good at pretending, masking, and pretending not to be narcissists.

So I didn't know this person was a narcissist. In fact, many of them, well, probably all of them, were very convincing that they were charismatic and they were interested in me and they were my friends, my buddies, whatever. And so I cooperated with them.

Now, why did they do that? Well, have you heard the term con man? You know what that means. It means confidence man, somebody who wins your confidence. And that's the way the narcissist begins his or her relationship almost every single time.

They want to win your confidence if they plan on taking advantage of you. Now, there are some exceptions. I have encountered narcissists who just didn't like me at the very get-go.
Cool. Thank you for letting me know. And they were uncooperative with me.

So I didn't have to be uncooperative with them. They made themselves toxic and so I didn't have to. That's fine.

But typically that's not the case. So I want to make myself uncooperative. Once I figure out this person is a narcissist and eventually they will show themselves.

But once I figure that out, I want to be outside the narcissist realm. Now, the narcissist thinks of himself or herself kind of like a sovereign. They're the king or queen of their domain, of their realm.
And everyone is their subject. They may not know it yet, but they see themselves as puppet masters, as manipulators and everyone else is dependent or relying on them to some degree. And the last thing they want to do is find out that that's not reality, that they are in fact, flawed people.


But when you are uncooperative with them, when you say, no, I'm not gonna live in your realm anymore. I'm not gonna be part of your dumb little kingdom. What happens is they find that absolutely positively toxic.

They view people, narcissists view people, again, this is my experience, they view people not as flesh-and-blood humans with emotions, but they view them as tools to be used, means to an end. And once the narcissist begins showing himself, you know, manipulating you, using you, it's time to stop cooperating immediately. Cut the strings.

No more of this. I'm going to not cooperate with you. All right.

I'm making myself a little bit toxic here. There's number two because we got three of these things. Number two, I want to be a person of high integrity.

Not when I find out the narcissist is a narcissist, but this should be a trait that everyone should strive to acquire. Be a person, not that appears to have high integrity, but a person who really does have high integrity. Because what happens is the narcissist compares himself or herself to everybody else.

And he or she decides, determines, that he or she is superior to everyone else. But deep down inside they know they don't have any character. They are characters, but they don't have character.
And here comes this other person who actually does have a sense of integrity, who does have ethics, who doesn't try to manipulate and hurt other people. The narcissist hates that because here he or she is, the con man, the con woman, and they're standing side by side with a person who truly has high character, and high integrity, and it's clear. It becomes clear as night and day.

And by the way, that is where the smear campaign begins, because the narcissist wants to beat you down in the eyes of other people. So what is the difference? What he is doing, the narcissist is doing, is he is trying to destroy your reputation. And we all know, you've heard me say this before, your character and your reputation are not the same things.

Character is who you truly are. Reputation is what other people believe you to be. And the narcissist can't touch your character.

That is outside his, well, it's outside his realm. But he can destroy your reputation. They're experts at that.

That's the smear campaign. So they see this integrity, and they hate it. They want to destroy you.
They want to get as far away from you as they possibly can. And in the meantime, they want to destroy you by ruining, ruining your reputation. Because your integrity threatens their deceptiveness.
And I've never met a narcissist who wasn't deceptive. So again, they compare themselves to you. They see that you are making them look bad because you are a person of high ethical standards, and they're not.

And so they launch into the smear campaign to tear you down. But what you have to do is not stoop to their level. And if you do, guess what? They've succeeded.

So, how do you make yourself toxic? Well, number one, just don't cooperate with them. They don't want you to figure out who these people are. Number two, don't compromise your integrity.
Don't stoop to doing what they are doing because when you do, you're defeated. They've got you. But you don't want them to get you.

You don't want them to get you. Number three is this. Just be respectful.

Now, the reason I say this is I've noticed the narcissists that I have known really don't respect other people. They hold others in contempt. Now on the surface, you know, they're really sweet and kind and loving.

But behind the mask, they are very disrespectful. They just don't like other people. They hold others, as I said, in contempt.

And so the narcissist is contemptible. So they are launching this smear campaign against you, but you'll notice when you hang around or hang out with narcissists that they have a smear campaign going against other people as well. Now talk about a red flag.

I mean, we're talking about a red flag that is flashing. Flashing red light. When you hear somebody trash-talking someone else, okay, a lot of other people, you know good and well, they're gonna turn on you eventually.

Probably they already have. You just don't know it. It hasn't gotten back to you.

So when you are respectful, you are holding others in high esteem. That is to say that you have a tremendous amount of empathy for other people. The narcissists don't like that because again, they are comparing themselves to you and you're making them quite frankly look bad.

Every narcissist I have ever known, I haven't known all of them, but I've known far too many of them, believe me, they love to tear down other people. They love to disrespect other people. They love to, again, it's a matter of comparison.

If they can beat this person down, that somehow raises them up. Because in their mind, they're higher than that other person. You know, they're climbing up the ladder, so to speak.

They're climbing up the hierarchy. They are becoming the alpha male or the alpha female. They're becoming the alpha by beating other people down.

I don't really care to be the alpha. I hope you don't either. I mean, we're not monkeys, right? Some people think we are.

I don't think we're monkeys. I don't think we're gorillas. They have this order.

We're not chickens. We don't have a pecking order. Or we shouldn't.

We do, but we shouldn't. But in the narcissist world, that is supreme. That is superior.

Being at the top of the heap. Being the alpha. But they don't have, few of them have the talent or gift to make it without beating other people down.

So their way of getting to the top is not to climb to the top. Their way of getting to the top is to beat everyone else down under them. It's not because they have talent.

It's not because they're gifted. It's because they're not talented. They're not gifted.

And the one thing they are good at is hurting other people. Don't do that because you're being like the narcissist. They have you when you do that.

Do the opposite. Be toxic to them by being respectful. So narcissism, what do they do? Well, they use and abuse.

I think if you could summarize narcissism in two words, those would be the two words. They use and abuse other people. So be the anti-narcissist.

What is an anti-narcissist? By my definition, it's someone who goes in the opposite direction of a narcissist. And what does the narcissist do? The narcissist views himself or herself as superior and supreme, as better than everyone else. Even as they play the role of the humble, you know, they put on the mask and the wardrobe of an actor and they play the part.

Oh, they can't do that forever. You know, the way that I like to say this, if you've ever gone on a road trip with a narcissist, they can't stay in character. They just can't.

And the true self will come out. Well, that's true of anybody. If you want to know what someone is truly like, go on a road trip with them.

Now, I'm not giving that as advice. I'm just saying hypothetically. If you go on a road trip with somebody, chances are you're going to find out what they're truly like.

Because I don't know anybody who could stay in character all the time. I mean, they see you coming. Yeah, they can put on the mask and the makeup and the wardrobe and all that.

But they can't, you know, they can't tolerate it forever. I like to use the analogy of the dancing dog. I've used that a thousand times.

You can't dance forever. Eventually, he's going to come down on all fours. Eventually, a squirrel or something's going to run by and you're going to see the dog being a dog.

And eventually, you're going to see the narcissist being a narcissist. So make yourself toxic to narcissists as soon as you find out who they are. Yeah, you're going to go through a smear campaign.

That's going to be, at least in my experience, it's going to be painful. But I found that it's more or it's less painful to offend a narcissist than to try to stay in a narcissist's good graces. So, yeah, I don't want to be toxic, but to a narcissist, it's just a matter of necessity.

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