DailyKenn.com —
• No respect: Treat the narcissist with the respect they deserve, which may mean no respect at all, akin to how one would treat a three-year-old.
• No emotion: Avoid displaying emotions in response to the narcissist's behavior, as they thrive on getting emotional reactions from others.
• No reasoning: Narcissists prioritize their own interests above all else, making it futile to try to reason with them or expect them to consider others' perspectives.
• No explanation: Refrain from justifying or explaining your actions to the narcissist, as they may use this information to manipulate or control you.
• No noise: Deny the narcissist the opportunity to engage in argumentative or confrontational interactions by refusing to engage in verbal exchanges.
• No guilt: Resist falling into the trap of feeling guilty for actions or decisions that are reasonable and appropriate, as narcissists often use guilt as a tool for manipulation.
• No sarcasm: Avoid using sarcasm when dealing with narcissists, as it may provide them with an opening to engage in further conflict or manipulation.
By implementing these strategies, individuals can effectively remove the narcissist's preferred environment, making it difficult for them to exert control or manipulate others. It's about denying them the reactions and engagement they seek to maintain their power.
transcript:
Number one is just show them no respect. The topic at hand is how do you shut down a narcissist? Or better yet, what tools do I use to shut down a narcissist? Now hang on there because at the end we're going to tie all these things together, one big package. But you know, I'm in my 70s and I've learned a thing or two over the decades and I just want to share with some of the things that I have learned about dealing with these people who are narcissistic, narcissists.
And one of the things I've learned is to show them no respect. Or maybe another way to say it is show them the respect they deserve. For example, you notice that narcissists seem to behave like three-year-olds. They have the temperament and the maturity of just a little toddler. Well, how do you treat a toddler? Do you put a toddler in charge of your life? The toddler will let you do that. I mean, if you let him do it or her do it.
A toddler will run you ragged. Every mama on the planet knows that. They will control you if you let them because it's all about them. They're self-centered. I mean, all of us were when we were three years old to some degree. And it seems like narcissists have never matured beyond three years old. So I give them the respect that I would give a three-year-old. It's not that I don't like them. Not that I don't care about them, but I just understand where they're coming from. They're coming from the perspective of a little toddler. That's true of narcissists. They view the world very much the same way a toddler does.
So how do I shut down a narcissist? First thing I do is I give them the respect they deserve, or I just don't give them any respect at all. Number one, no respect. Number two is no emotion. Just as plain as I can be. They call this a flat effect. Poker face, however you want to term it. But one of the things you understand about narcissists, and you probably already know this, is narcissists love to get a reaction out of you. I like to say they like to get a rise out of you. They want to make you mad. They want to make you happy. They want to make you sad. They want to get some emotional response because in so doing, that tells the narcissist in his or her warped way of thinking that they are in control of you.
And you know what? They are. When they are able to constantly get an emotional response from you, that's their way of controlling you. Well, how do you shut down a narcissist? You just take that away. What the narcissist wants, as we said at number one, is they want respect. Take that away. Second thing they want is they want an emotional response because that's how they control you. Take it away. So you shut down the narcissist by no respect and no emotional response.
Number three is no reasoning with them. Somebody once said you can't reason with an unreasonable person. If you've ever been in a conversation with somebody, all right, let's call it an argument. Debate is a better term, I guess. So if you've ever been in a debate with somebody about any topic whatsoever, you might be talking about sports, you might be talking about politics, or maybe religion, and the person does not agree with you and you do not agree with that person. And as far as you're concerned, this person is being unreasonable, right? Well, you can't reason with that person because you can't reason with people who are unreasonable.
Now, a narcissist, their reasoning is what's best for the narcissist. That is their reasoning. They're not concerned about advancing the, say, this is somebody you're working with, a co-worker, and they're not interested in getting the job done. That's second place, or maybe third place. What is important to them is being at number one. You know, they are a narcissist, they are climbing the social ladder. That is premier in the narcissist's mind.
And so you try to reason with them, you know, it's better to do it this way because we'll get more sales and the customer will be happier. And the narcissist is thinking, yeah, well, that might be true, but if you get your way, that means I don't get my way. And my way is more important than the sales of the customer or whatever you're trying to accomplish. You don't reason with somebody who is unreasonable.
So there's two reasons, and I've said this a million times in other presentations, but there's two reasons you ask a question. Number one is because you want an answer, which is kind of obvious. And number two is because you want an argument. Why do narcissists ask questions? Typically they ask because they want to argue with your response. They've already decided. Whatever you answer, whatever answer you provide, they're going to argue with it before they even know what it is. All they know is you're going to respond and they're going to answer. So no response. No reasoning.
And number four is no explanation. You don't have to explain yourself. I mean, in some extreme situations where your livelihood is on the line or, you know, there's some medical emergency, you might have to give them some explanation. But outside of those extremes, the narcissist wants you to explain yourself. And they will ask you the question. You've probably heard this a million times. Well, what does that mean? What's the question they ask you? What does that mean? I remember one time, I was in my 20s. We're talking 50 years ago, but I just happened to mention to somebody that we were in the process of moving. My wife and I moving. My wife and I were moving into a mobile home, trailer, whatever you want to call it, our first house. And I just happened to mention to somebody, a narcissist that we're in the process of moving. And they said, what does that mean? How can you not know what that means? Well, the person knew what that means. You know, we are in the process of moving. That's seven words.
Which of those seven words is not in the vocabulary of the narcissist? They know what it means. But what they want to do is they just want to argue and they want you to explain yourself. Because in getting you to explain yourself, even though it's obvious, there is no explanation unless they don't speak English. There's just a way to control you. No explanation.
Now here's one. So we said no respect, no emotion, no reasoning, no explanation. But what about just no noise? Now sometimes I give people the silent treatment, not because I'm trying to provoke them or because I'm mad or because I'm trying to control them. Sometimes I give people the quiet treatment because I just don't want to talk. It's not a personal thing. I just don't want to talk. You know, I'm just, um, I have autism
, what they used to call Asperger's syndrome, and I'm perfectly happy being quiet. I just don't talk a lot. But that's not what we're talking about here. What we're talking about here is giving the narcissist something to latch onto. Have you ever tried to open a pill bottle and you take off, you know, brand new and you screw off the cap? And then there's this, like, some kind of a paper liner glued to the top of it. And you got to pull that thing off. And you got to get a hold of it. You don't see it. Take your fingernails and you try to get a handle on it so you can, you know, pull it off there. And sometimes it's really difficult to do. You're just trying to get a hold of something so you can finally not give up and just get out a knife and cut it off. But the narcissist is doing that. He wants to get some noise out of you. Just get a little handle so he can start ripping onto you. Don't give in to it. There's no way you're taking this from me. No noise whatsoever. You just can't get the handles what you're saying to the narcissist. Buy your silence. Just say a word so I can argue with it. Just get some something out of you is what the narcissist is thinking. Nope, not going to talk. And a lot of times I don't even give short answers. I don't even say no. I just say nothing. Now you talk about shutting down a narcissist. How do you argue with nothing? It's pretty hard to do. But, you know, narcissists, they can argue with anything. They can say, you know what your problem is? You don't say anything. Of course, if you do say something, they will argue with that. But still, I'd rather them try to argue with silence than argue with some words they provoked or prompted me into saying, particularly when they're doing it just to get that argument. So number five is no noise.
Number six, no guilt. One of the things the narcissist wants to make you feel is guilty. Guilt about what? Did you do something wrong? Well, when they're gaslighting you, it seems like everything you do is wrong. Everything about you is wrong. You're not very smart. This is the way the narcissist is trying to, this is the thought the narcissist is trying to implant in your mind. You're not very smart. You don't know how to do it. You don't know which direction to go. You don't know how to drive your car. You don't know how to think. You don't know how to run a computer. You don't know how to talk right. You've got an accent. You don't have an accent. You're too loud. You're too quiet. You're just too something or not enough of something. And they're just loading you with guilt just to bear down on you, to weight you down so they can be in control. Now, you may be noticing there's a theme here. It's all about control, right? And by the way, in just a moment, we're going to tie all these points together. Number seven, and this is kind of hard for some of us, but number seven is no sarcasm. Now, this is part of no noise, all right? This is part of number five, but no sarcasm. It's kind of hard for me not to be sarcastic when you are around a narcissist because I mean, there are times for that, but if you really want to shut them down, it's kind of like I was talking about that person who didn't understand the phrase, we're in the process of moving. Yeah, there's a wide opening to be sarcastic. Which one of those words do you not understand? What part of in the process of moving do you not quite grasp? Throw it back at them, make them feel stupid. Yeah, there's a place for that. But when it comes just to totally shutting them down, this is not the place. Maybe it's not hard for you. Maybe you don't like sarcasm, don't use it. But for me, I just love to jab and jibe a narcissist and get them back with sarcasm, make them look the fool. But sometimes it's better just to, no, don't do that. So, no sarcasm.
Now, let's take these seven principles, no respect, no emotion, no reasoning, no explanation, no noise, no guilt, no sarcasm. Let's tie them all together. And what we're doing is we're taking away the narcissist environment. Now, there are some things that some environments that we thrive in and some we don't. Now, if you're a fish, chances are you thrive in the water. If you're saltwater fish, not just any water, but you got to have a certain kind of water. Same thing is true with, oh, I don't want to talk about toenail fungus, but you know what? You take away the environment of toenail fungus and it will go away. How do you do that? Well, if you're a man, you wear shoes and socks all the time, right? That's why men have it more than women, because women are not as inclined to wear shoes and socks all the time. So think of a narcissist as a toenail fungus. You didn't know I was going to come to this point, did you? But there we are. But that is their environment. You know, they like it hot and sweaty and they turn into fungus. Take away the environment and they don't.
What is your environment? Well, you've got air, you know, you got to have that. You got to have food. You got to have water. You got to have all these components for you to survive. And good thing we got them. Well, what are the things that a narcissist needs to survive? They need respect. They need that emotional response. They can latch onto you. They need you to try to reason with you, with them, rather, so they can shoot you down every time you say anything. They need you to explain yourself because in so doing they are, in their minds, they're thinking that they are coming across as smarter than you. They need that noise. I've never known a narcissist who wasn't constantly running his mouth. No, they're out there. I just haven't happened to run across them in 70 some years. They need you to feel guilty. They survive in an environment where they are gaslighting. And sarcasm, I'm not sure they need that, but they still will find a way to use it. They will say that you said, you know, something and they will distort whatever sarcastic thing you said. And they will make you out to be the good guy. So how we tie these things together? We're taking away the environment that the narcissist lives in just to thrive. And so you might take that and just stop and think about it. Let this seep down deep into your gray matter, your brain. What are some of the things that comprises a narcissist environment? What are some of the things that he or she needs
to thrive on? They love to fight, right? Don't give them a fight. They love to argue. Don't give them an argument. So all these things, well, let's just summarize it with this. Just know, just know, give them absolutely nothing. If you got something out of this video and you want to join our family, just subscribe to our YouTube channel. Give this video a thumbs up if you think it deserves it. Don't forget to share this on social media. And if you come up with something that I missed, and there are probably hundreds of these things, you can let us know and let others know in the comment section, start a conversation, join a conversation, and we will see you all next time.
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