DailyKenn.com — They hide in plain sight, and number one is superficial charm, charisma. What we're doing is raising the question: are people who are psychopathic also narcissistic, and people who are narcissistic, are they also psychopathic? I mean, are these two collections of neurological traits the same, basically? In my opinion, while they're not the same, when you find a collection of traits in a person who is narcissistic, you will also find a collection of traits in that same person who is psychopathic. We're going to raise that question, and I kind of want your feedback.
We're going to go through six things, and at the end, we will tie these all together, and you can tell me and anyone else who is reading the comment section your opinion because that is valuable. Number one, as we said, is superficial charm, charisma. This is a trait of a narcissist, and their objective is to be received well by others. It's a way of manipulating, it's part of that love bombing, love bonding, it's part of a grooming type thing where they want to get people into their sphere, on their team, so to speak. And we'll talk about this at the very end, but you'll notice that narcissists always imagine themselves speaking of being on the team. They're the coach, they're never the player. They're the coach and the referee, but they're not, they're never the player, and we find that trait to be true in both narcissists and psychopaths. So number one, superficial charm, charisma, I would check that box.
And by the way, Robert here has 20 of these things that help identify people who are psychopathic, and we just chose six of them because we'd be here all day if we talked about all 20 of them. Number two is people who are psychopathic have no remorse. That is to say, they tend to rationalize their bad behavior as if they can do nothing wrong. I mean, even if it's accidental, it's somebody else's fault. And the example I like to use is spilled milk. Let's say you spill a glass of milk, and you say, 'Oops, I'm sorry, didn't mean to do that,' whatever. Well, a person who is psychopathic, their brain seems to just immediately try to find blame with somebody else, even if there's nobody around. For crying out loud, you know who made the milk so heavy? Okay, that's probably extreme, I don't think they'd say that, but they may say somebody made this glass slippery or somebody did something that threw me off balance, something in their immediate environment.
I may need to go to great lengths to find ways to blame other people for things they do that are wrong because, well, as a narcissist, they could do no wrong, and they're thinking, I mean, I think deep down inside they know it, but that's the way they present. Psychopaths seem to be the same thing, now maybe for a different reason, but it seems to be the same. So I'm going to check that one off too, I'm going to check all these, by the way. Number three is they have zero effective empathy, as opposed to cognitive empathy. Very good at cognitive empathy, but when we're talking about effective empathy, we're talking about something that we would often call compassion or truly genuinely feeling what other people are feeling, particularly if they are hurting. And we notice that narcissists, they can pretend to really care about you, that's one of the ways they draw you into their snare, into their web, into their trap because, well, they're grooming you because they care about you.
No, they don't, they're just pretending, it's fake. So psychopaths, yeah, they do the same thing. They have zero effective empathy, and something else we notice is people who are psychopaths like to stare at people dead in the eye. I mean, it's like they're controlling them, and some people say they don't even blink. I don't know if that's true or not, but they like to stare at people, and when they're gazing at you, some people call it the psychopathic gaze. They don't seem to have that emotion, and that's one of the ways you can determine that this is a narcissist, because while he is faking his narcissism sometimes, that body language, you know, those nonverbal cues like the narcissistic or the psychopathic gaze, may be one of those telltale signs.
Initially, when you're being love bombed, particularly if it's by somebody who is a used car salesman or has a romantic interest in you which is not genuine, and I don't know if there's a whole lot of difference, yeah, they can look you in the eye. A person with romantic interest which is not really romantic, they want something else out of you, they can fake it, you know, they can make it look like they just, you know, they're looking into your baby blue eyes or whatever color your eyes are, and you may be fooled by that, same thing with these car salesmen, they have this glimmer in their eyes, they're just the friendliest people on earth, but that's very superficial, at least in my 70-some years of experience, you know, you talk to so many used car salesmen or any kind of salesman, after a while, you get the idea these people aren't really all this friendly all the time, this is a put on, it's a show.
I understand you've got to be friendly, nobody's going to buy anything from somebody who's being a jerk, so they have to do it, even if they're uncomfortable doing it, but if they're good salesman, they're good at doing it. So zero effective empathy, do they fake it? People who are psychopathic don't seem to be really good at faking it, but those who are narcissistic seem to be a little bit better, and I'm going to check this one off too, I think they're the same, but there is a slight variance, there is a little bit of difference, at least that I can see, that's my opinion.
Number four, impulsivity, they act on a whim, this kind of goes hand in hand with number two, when we said they have no remorse, or they don't acknowledge their bad behavior. People who are narcissistic can't make bad decisions, in their way of thinking, even when it's obviously a bad decision, it's their decision, therefore, based upon that criteria and that criteria alone, it's the right decision, it's a good decision, and they expect everyone to go along with it because, how dare you question their wonderfulness? I mean, they're obviously right, a psychopath, same thing. Now, you've got to notice, the thing about these people is they have no realistic long-term goals.
Now, a person who is psychopathic maybe so, but generally not, people who are psychopaths tend to make, some of them tend to make good CEOs, make good leaders, some of them are visionary, but by and large, if I understand Robert Hare right, this is not one of the primary traits of them, but not all psychopaths have all 20 of those traits that he outlined. So, when we're talking about impulsivity, we're talking about acting on a whim, they're very brazen, they have no fear, they just don't, because I mean, why would they? They're doing it right, they will walk on your property, trespass and not care, I mean, literally, you have boundaries, geographical boundaries set by whatever jurisdiction you live in, and acknowledged, they don't care, there are no boundaries, there are no laws, stop signs, those are optional for them, everyone else is supposed to stop. Did you see that guy, he just ran right through the stop sign, says the narcissist as he runs through a stop sign, I mean, it's something that goes for everybody else, applies to everybody else.
They tend not to have forethought, they don't have a lot of reflection, they don't stop and consider the consequences for themselves or, more importantly, for you or for anybody else. Now, something I ran across, a few or maybe an hour ago when I was doing some research for this presentation, somebody said that one of the traits of a narcissist is that they tend to speak in past tense. I've never heard that before, I'm not saying it's not true, I'm just saying I never heard it before, and it very well could be, I mean, you know, everything you read on the internet is not true, obviously, but this, I think it makes sense, I could see how it could be true, and the reasoning seems to be that they can't focus on the future, they really can't focus on the present, they're impulsive, they know what they're doing is wrong deep down inside, so their way of escape to distance from what they know to be wrong is to frame it in the past because their past is perfect, obviously. Try to tell them any different, and they'll set you straight on that in a heartbeat, in a jiffy. By the way, did you know a jiffy, this is something else I just found out, a jiffy is an actual measurement, it's like a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second, but Google it sometime, don't do it now, but you can do it later.
Number five, shallow affect, by that we mean they don't like to accept responsibility. We kind of touched on that already, but they're not responsible for the spilled milk, even if they kicked the can over, somebody, they should have put the can there, you know, it's your fault. It's these shoes I'm wearing, who made these shoes anyhow? You know, they always have this, who's to blame for this? Can't possibly be me, they have this shallow effect.
Number six, pathological lying, you probably knew I was going to mention this one, but they lie not only in the things they say, but they also lie, well, they're just deceitful, I mean, their lifestyle is deceitful, everything about them is deceitful, they're just deceitful people, they are actors, they are pretenders, they're not who they come across as, and they're good at it, most of them. I don't know how many times I've been sucked in by narcissists, psychopaths, and I thought these were really cool people who cared about me, I mean, I felt it so strongly, they really genuinely were my buddies. No, they weren't, they were acting, and I didn't realize it until it was too late. There's a word for this, mythia or mythomania rather, something else I just learned so I can't pronounce it, you know, I do, I actually do research for these things before I make presentations, and that's another word for pathological lying. Now, when we say pathological, we mean it's a pathology, it's natural, they can't not do it, it's just the way they are, and I find that to be true in both narcissists and psychopaths. So check that one on the list too.
Let's take these six points, let's tie them all together, and what we notice about psychopaths and narcissists, they seem to have this one overriding, overwhelming thing in common, which is why I think we see both of these collections of traits in the same people, and that overriding thing is they are self-absorbed exclusively. We said earlier they don't want to be the player, they want to be the coach, they want to be the referee, but everyone else is the player, and they're the one in charge. They are the general, everyone else is the soldier, they are the chief, you're the Indian, you know, you fall in line behind them.
And some of them are really good at acquiring that position, they are so forceful in their personality, sometimes just flat out obnoxious and toxic, I've known some people who are psychopaths who are just that way, very narcissistic, and they're able to pull it off, I'm just absolutely amazed. So let me know what you think, did I get it right, did I get it wrong, am I missing something, is there something you can add to what we talked about? I'd kind of like to know if you care to join the conversation. And yeah, this is a small channel, so I actually have time to read and usually respond to every comment somebody leaves. In the lower right-hand corner, there's a circle, if you click on that, you can join our family, subscribe to our channel. Then there's a rectangle, lower left-hand corner, click on that, and you can access our library of past videos, so there's a bunch of them, so we can just keep on talking, keep our conversation going, and we'll see you all next time."
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